DATING, LOVE, AND SEX
SONG OF SOLOMON
God created the world out of His love for mankind. God so loved the world that
He gave His only Son and whoever believes in Him shall not perish.
Much of today\’s violence is due to a loss of family values. We have lost the desire
to love our neighbors. Many fear their neighbors and others see them as an opportunity
for abuse and theft. I would love to see the world in a loving family mode.
The Song of Solomon takes me back to my teenage years when my hormones were
raging and love was in the air. I spent my college years pursuing my first wife
which resulted in a marriage that lasted 42 years until her death. Life happen and
somewhere along the line, the thrill of dating was lost. God gave me a second wife
with the experience to love.
Song of Solomon is good reading for young couples and a great review and reminder
for older couples. Some commentaries spiritualize the entire text, which it is. But it
is written in the language of love. God gives those who are considering marriage
the principles of choosing a mate and pursuing a mate with love and respect.
To young couples, it is recommended reading and to older couples it recommended
review.
The word Song of Solomon in Hebrew means the most beautiful song.
Solomon wrote 1000 songs, but this one is called the most beautiful.
I do not believe in love at first sight. I believe there is lust at first sight. To love
a person you have to know the person. Love requires commitment and sacrifice.
I don’t believe at first sight one is ready to commit or sacrifice.
You may see someone you like at first sight, but you have no idea what you are
getting into. You don’t know what their background is at first sight. Underneath a
smiling face may be pain and turmoil.
At the time that Solomon, the third King of Israel wrote this Song, the Jewish custom
was that the Father of the groom and the father of the bride got together and agreed
upon a dowry, the groom or groom\’s father was to pay for the bride.
A legally binding contract was made and the bride was betrothed to the groom.
No love was involved just a financial commitment. A good example of this is Jacob’s
marriage to Rachael (Genesis 29).
The normal Jewish courtship was a year in which the bride-groom prepared a place for the bride.
The spiritual truth is, that is what Jesus did for all believers. He paid a price for our
Lives. He became the sin dowry to the Father. He returned to the Father to prepare a
place for us.
The first three chapters of the Song of Solomon are the courtship. The marriage takes
place in the fourth chapter. I want to touch on the first three chapters
This lesson is just an overview. I want point out the process of finding a mate that
the Lord lays out for us in this text.
LUST OF THE FLESH
When Jacob saw Rachel for the first time, he ahab her, the Hebrew word for sexual affection.
He didn’t know Rachel, had never met her, but on first sight he ahab her.
(Genesis 29:18). The English translation of the Hebrew word is our word love. Therefore
it lost it’s true meaning.
Similarly when Solomon saw dark skinned woman, He ahab her. It was sexual affection
not love.
Let me suggest that the lust of the flesh finds it’s way into most intimate relationships.
What the eyes see, what the ears hear, what the mind thinks, and what the nose smells
are all involved. It in the Song.
COMMITMENT TO THE PROCESS
King Solomon was committed to the marriage. There is no mention of a dowry
According to Jewish custom, a commitment to an amount for a dowry was
in the marriage contract and paid to the father of the bride. Certainly, Solomon
was able to pay the dowry.
Jacob worked for a month for his uncle then committed to work 7 years
for Rachel (Genesis 29:18)
Love requires sacrifice. Jesus showed His love for us by sacrificing Himself.
Love overlooks faults. None of us are perfect.
While we were yet sinners Christ died for us
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
Jacob first saw Rachel at the well with her father\’s sheep. Jacob rolled away the stone
from the well for Rachel to water the sheep (Genesis 29:10).
Solomon saw the beauty of the Shulammite woman while she worked in the vineyard.
There is a story floating in some circles that Solomon dressed Himself as a shepherd
went out to the vineyard, observed her beauty, then proposed to her. As the story
goes, he went back to Jerusalem and dressed himself as King. He went back to the
farm and brought her to Jerusalem for the wedding feast (Tom Tucker, Senior Pastor
Sisk Memorial Baptist Church, August 2013). Where this story came from, I do not know.
What we do know according to the text is Solomon married a dark complexion woman.
First impressions are important. You may never get another chance to make another impression. The Shulammite woman impressed Solomon with her looks and her work ethic.
THE COURTSHIP
Song of Solomon starts with the courtship. In today\’s environment, many couples
skip the courtship and live together before marriage. To each his/her own, but that
is not the way God designed marriage.
When Adam first saw Eve, he said, she is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. He
made a commitment to her.
God set the contract for the first marriage;
Genesis 2:24-25
24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
Chapter one begins with the longing of the bride for her future husband. Notice she is specific
about what she wants.
Song of Solomon 1:2-4
2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth —
for your love is more delightful than wine.
3 Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;
your name is like perfume poured out.
No wonder the maidens love you!
4 Take me away with you — let us hurry!
Let the king bring me into his chambers.
We rejoice and delight in you;
we will praise your love more than wine.
The word love used here is the Hebrew word ahab, which means sexual affection.
The woman had a sexual affection for Solomon.
Let’s not fool ourselves.
God made Sex
Sin corrupted sex
Sex is completed in Christ
Sex should be controlled by the Holy Spirit
Some commentaries completely spiritualize this text deleting any thought of a
relationship between a couple. However, God decided to write this as an actual
event.
God wrote the manual for sex in marriage;
1 Corinthians 7:3-5
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife\’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband\’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time.
God described our worship of anything other than Him as adultery.
When we think about the love of Jesus. It should excite us, refresh us and be
a source of great joy. Jesus is the bridegroom and we are His bride.
The perfume in the Song may represent the character of the groom. When the wise men came to Jesus
they brought myrrh which may represents His righteousness.
KNOW YOUR WORTH
Going into any relationship you must know your worth. See yourself as you are but know
your value.
Song of Solomon 1:5
Dark am I, yet lovely,
O daughters of Jerusalem,
My mother\’s sons were angry with me
and made me take care of the vineyards;
Don’t let anyone define who you are. She said I am dark but lovely.
Know that God sees you as lovely. God does not define you by your race or color.
God sees you as His when you accepted Him as Lord.
She had value because of her obedience and her character.
Brothers, you must continuously compliment your girlfriends or spouses. Solomon
sets the example for us to follow.
Song of Solomon 1:15-16
15 How beautiful you are, my darling!
Oh, how beautiful!
Your eyes are doves.
Song of Solomon 2:2-3
2 Like a lily among thorns
is my darling among the maidens.
Everyone loves to hear words of praise, Be generous with yours.
Let the ones you love know how you feel about them. They don\’t
need to hear they are beautiful from others first. You are their spiritual and
physical support.
Doing the courtship some basic facts must be established
KNOWLEDGE OF RESPONSIBILITY
Financial Responsibility
After the commitment, the Bride Groom prepares a place for the bride
Jacob being in the land of the bride’s home took a job with
his uncle as a shepherd to pay off the dowery.
Ladies look for a man with a job. Look for a man with the objective to
provide for the family.
You cannot live on pretty words and good looks, but study income.
Solomon was king, so He had financial stability
KNOWLEDGE OF CHARACTER
What is the character of the couple?
We have already established that the bride was a working woman
The evidence of her hard work was the color of her skin, darken by the sun
tending the vineyard.
Solomon was the property owner. When He became King, he requested
wisdom to govern Israel from God.
KNOWLEDGE OF COMPATIBILITY
To know if you are compatible with someone you have to
spend some time with them. Verse 2:10-13
You need to know how they handle themselves around others.
You need to pay attention to how your future spouse treats you when
no one is around
ESTABLISH LOVE OF GOD
It is important to express our love often to our spouses.
The Shulammite woman constantly expresses her love for Solomon and Solomon
constantly expressed His love for her.
Be careful to note whether you future spouse has a relationship with Jesus
Does He or she serve God?
2 Corinthians 6:14-15
14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
Solomon was first a man of God.
CONSUMMATION OF MARRIAGE
The praise for the bride’s virginity
Song of Solomon 4:12-13
You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride;
you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.
Today sexual intimacy before marriage is the cool thing to do. It is not
God’s intent for marriage.
The consummation of the marriage
Song of Solomon 4:16-5:1
Let my lover come into his garden
and taste its choice fruits.
5 I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride;
I have gathered my myrrh with my spice.
I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey;
I have drunk my wine and my milk.
Is this sexual conversation? Men and women are sexual. It is a gift of God
to have a desire for family. Let it be controlled by the Word of God.
In Summary
Choose your spouse with wisdom
Make sure there is a commitment
Make sure there is financial stability
Make sure there is a commitment to serve God
Don’t be in a rush. Make the courtship long enough to
know the person\’s true character
Enjoy the courtship with encouraging words of love
Save sex for the marriage
If you you are married
DON’T STOP DATING
DON’T STOP THE COURTSHIP
DON’T STOP EXPRESSING YOUR LOVE
DON’T STOP ENJOYING YOUR SEXUAL ACTIVITIES
